I feel like I have spent the last two years of my life proving to James Antonas that I can be a struggler... I've really put my mind to it.... I'm not this happy, successful person.... I promise I can do a job that I hate too!!! I am, in fact, destined to be slightly, quietly miserable... and quietly accepting that where I am now is the sum of my life and is how I shall be remembered always.
My tombstone shall read:
After Phantom she really didn't do a whole lot. Worked in a bookshop which wasn't like Black Books.
But then something quite dramatic happened to a family member of mine...no, not the impending birth of a bubba... something bad...something they always feared would happen and then it did. They handled themselves with masterful aplomb and actually proved they are awesome... and made me and themselves very proud. When the bad thing actually happened it wasn't so bad. Proving that their really is nothing to fear more than fear itself. However the thing I want to focus on is expectations. I always secretly feared I would get cervical cancer.... and then, low and behold, I had a little brush with fate. No cancer, but a good kick up the arse to stop me secretly obsessing about it.. and a big neon sign telling me to be more careful with the way I use my "secret" and obviously powerful thoughts.
A wise book once told me that you get from life and people exactly what you expect.
This is NOT to say that the universe cannot be cruel with it's twists and turns of fate... and good and bad luck can be bestowed at random, but by and large, in day to day things, you kind of get what you expect.
I expect my housemate to get all knicker twisty if I leave a light on. I expect to get bloated if I eat pizza and drink cider. I expect to giggle like a pigtail if I watch Review with Miles Barlow. I expect to cringe like a politician recently discovered having a wank in the toilets at David Jones while snorting organic coke with Miranda Kerr...if I watch Miles Barlow. Yes, these things may be based on experience and therefore you could argue that what I am actually experiencing is logical assumption or something... I'm sure there's a more mathamatical way of phrasing that.... I've worked ten hours today people....that's ten more hours than I'm used to!!!
Anyway I have decided that it's probably a good idea to start expecting bigger and better things. We have one chance at life... except if you're me because this only one of my 198 lives and you all exist as fragments of my imaginationary dream... and I actually live on the planet Meherwandia.
Am I repeating myself from old blogs? Oh god!! Depressing.
Anyway, I though I would use this very public forum (to my 1 and a half readers) to announce my bigger and better expectations.
I expect:
To get an ingrown toenail by friday....
no, too small.
I expect:
To become Lord and ruler of Tasmananias...
no, too controversial.... plus most of the earthlings still call it "Tasmania".
I expect:
To become Carrie Bradshaw...
too fucking annoying, skinny and too many STD's.
I expect:
To find my passion or never give up trying.
To learn how to write comedy.
To sing in a band, maybe three.
To become a size ten and have clear skin. (Bwaa ha ha ha ha... priceless, I'm already good at the comedy bit)
To travel more and more, but not too much, to see beautiful, amazing places and memorable (in a good way) people.
To become financially stable
To be a singer
To be an actress
To fall in love again
To light up a party
Win the lottery, just a bit.
To light up my friends.... that actually sounds creepy... like I would set them on fire... I wouldn't set them on fire....as long as they do what I say.
To have a family with Hamish Blake and a house that resembles Tom Hank's house in Sleepless in Seattle... not his house in Castaway...too lonely.
To stay connected with my family, but forge my own path.
To stay connected with my friends, but forge my own path.... and still be close enough to make them tea.
You heard it. Now I encourage you to expect big things to. Like expect a big hug from me next time I see you since I'm working on getting my people skills back in shape. (My people skills have faded into oblivion since I lost the will to perky...they'll come back... just give me time and space fuckers!! Sorry, see?! No people skills.)
The way I see it is ying and yang. On one side of the ying yang is negative, life leachers, and on the other side is happy hippies.
For every grumpy arsed, life sapper you meet there must be an equalibrium of success and happiness that you, yes YOU can use up. Now everytime I meet someone who sucks the life out of me with their... their... negativity (sorry, I'm so tired I couldn't think of an analogy or similie or shmimadree) I'm going to feel grateful that they've left so much happiness on the other side of the yang for me and my friends and family to enjoy.
So thank you to my boss at work. Every time he sucks the life out of me I'm taking a bit of the happy vibe yang.
