Dear Lacksadaisy,
Can you have swollen adrenal glands?
Exhaustedly yours,
Jackie.
Dear Jackie.
Firstly, I am not a Google search engine and no longer wish to enable your hypochondriacal addiction to medical searches. Please stop emailing me with these kinds of questions, especially the one about your brothers’ warts (that one wasn’t even about you Jackie!!).
In saying that, I am, by nature, a casually helpful person and do not wish to see anyone with adrenal fatigue go without proper help or support. Plus, I am sponsored by the adrenal gland foundation and skin pigmentation association and am contractually obliged to reply to your question.
You may have “adrenal fatigue” Jackie. I read about it in Fitness First magazine. You get tired, your adrenal glands get really fat and you possibly die from “fatarse glandus”. Please be careful not to overdo things. Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. So Jackie, pour yourself a soy chai latte, kick back and watch Ferris Buller’s Day Off…and then watch the Breakfast club, because you can’t have an 80’s movie marathon without either of those two movies… and then have a nap. Wake up from the nap and then go for a 20km run, because you’re likely to feel guilty about the nap and the four hours of movies you just watched!! Our society doesn’t look kindly upon slackers Jackie.
Yours truly,
Lacksadaisy x
Lacksadaisy,
I’m too shy to approach women at the pub.
I’ve been told I’m a nice guy, a bit of a catch,
but when I go to talk to a girl I am overcome with…
Um, abdominal cramps and have to rush to the toilet.
Please help,
Alex.
Dear Alex,
I understand your pain. I once went to ask out a gentleman (He was an attractive mathematician I spied while studying at the Melbourne Library. He was tutoring a high school boy in maths.) I was overcome with such nerves that I ended up whistling my request. Of course whistling involves neither lyrics, nor words, but in my mind the conversation went something like this:
(Casual and attractive Lacksadaisy): Hi.
Him: Hey.
(Casual and attractive Lacksadaisy): You seem pretty good with numbers, here’s my phone number if you would like to play the tv game show “words and numbers” and come up the target of 985...using my phone number
Him: Oh, I have my eye on a target. …infact, I’m calling you right now with my artistic, yet practical hands.
(Casual and attractive Lacksadaisy, seductively swishes hair and laughs).
The reality was slightly different. In reality I whistled in his face while my eyes got really wide, to the point that I looked like I was shrieking. Most of the whistling was done on an inhale (inhale whistles are never the most successful whistle, it is always better to exhale your whistle). I whistled the tune of Muse’s “Unintended” (It’s not an upbeat number…in fact it’s probably a bit full on for a first encounter whistle). I also went white and sweated so much that I looked like I had just emerged fully clothed from a swim in the Yarra.
Needless to say I was not successful.
Alex, I may not have succeeded in getting that attractive God like man to go out with me, but I did succeed in life. I dried my sweat patches under the hand dryer in the library bathroom, manically took a drink of water to re-lubricate my whistle mouth and strolled out of the library with my head held high. I knew every librarian was watching me as I collected my homemade library bag. They may have been whispering about the decline in Federal and State funding to mental health and closure of Mental Hospitals… or they may have been whispering:
“Look at her go, what a gutsy and stunningly beautiful woman”. Which do you think it was Alex? Which do you think?
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